“And he fuckin’ jolts like he didn’t know someone was in the back seat, but he turned around and said, ‘Dontcha worry there, buddy. I’s’ll have ya back before then.’
         “And I was like, ‘Roopirt, where the fuck are we going? It’s one AM and I have to fucking work in the morning.’
         “And you know what the fucking guy told me?”
         “I don’t know. What?” said Rod.
         “He told me he was going to pick up a fucking Total Gym he found in the classifieds. I mean, what the fuck, right? Anyways, I couldn’t get it through his skull to take me home, so I cracked another beer. So, we wind up pulling up to this dingy trailer behind the industrial area downtown. There’s, like, a broken down station wagon out front and all sorts o’ garbage and appliances and shit. And you know who’s fuckin’ house it is? - Eddie Bennet’s.”
         “No way!” said Rod, “The same Eddie we went to high school with?”
         “The same,” said Darcy.
         “Is he still the same dumb jock he was back then?”
         Darcy laughed, “Dumber. He’s fucking fat now, but he still gots the same stupid buzzcut.
         “So, anyways, he comes barging out of the trailer in this mustard stained wife-beater that’s, like, three sizes too small, yelling, ‘Who the fuck is there?’ and Roopirt gets out of the car and yells back.
         “‘Hi, I’m Roopirt Pasqal. I’s a here to buy yer Total Gym.’
         “And Eddie goes, ‘What the fuck, dude? You were supposed to be here four hours ago!’
         “And while Roopirt’s explaining how he got his car stuck on the way over, I get out - still in my sweatpants, no shirt on - and Eddie fuckin’ sees me. First time I seen the guy in years.
         “And he goes, ‘Darcy fuckin’ Dwayne. How you been you mother fucker. I haven’t seen your face since Grade fuckin’ 12. Remember when we drank a case of beer outside 7-11? Holy shit, you wanna joint, you motherfucker?!’
         “Of course, by this time, I’m already a few drinks in. So, I said ‘yes’ and Eddie pulls out this huge fuckin’ gagger and lights it up and the three of us start passing it around. And let me tell you right now. I haven’t smoked the stuff in years, and it sent me right for a fucking loop. I mean it hit me - hard.
         “So, needless to say, after this, things get a little hazy. Roopirt and Eddie must’ve struck a deal, ‘cause I remember seeing Roopirt give him some cash and one of the six-packs from the cooler, and the two of them hauling this Total Gym into the trunk of the Cavalier. Meanwhile, I’m too fucking high to help out, so I’m just sitting on the porch drinkin’ beer when fuckin’ Eddie’s old lady comes out yellin’ that it’s her fuckin’ Total Gym.
         “So, Eddie and his old lady are fucking arguing, and me - drunk and high as I was - have just enough sense to peel myself off the porch and tell Roopirt to let’s get the fuck out of there.
         “So we get back in the car and drive off. And as we’re peeling out of the driveway, this lady just fucking shrieks and starts running after us, and I see Eddie busting a gut laughing. I fucking start laughing too and I crack another beer - ”
         Eric slapped the table, interrupting the story, and laughed.
         “Dwayne, you’re such an alcoholic!” he shouted.
         “Shut the fuck up, Benlar!” yelled Darcy, “If you didn’t eat so many twinkies, you wouldn’t be so fucking fat.”
         “Settle down, guys,” Todd said, trying to calm the situation, “Darcy, do you know why Roopirt was so obsessed with this Total Gym?”
         “Yeah,” said Darcy, “I was just getting to that before fat-ass, here, opened his big mouth.” Eric sat there with his stupid grin and chuckled.